Lord Malcolm's Hydro-Therapy

{Put Your Wee Snoot in the Air

and Give the OL' English Accent

a Try.  This time, use a Male Voice}

Hydro-Therapy, The Effects of 
Flailing One's Body

by 

Lord Malcolm, Chamberlain to the Duchess of Hagg

I dare say, old fellows, that there is a consequence to the way in which one lives his life-style.  One must always be aware of the real effects that might occur to one's body while one is sort of, well, living.   Now, I must tell you that I have never really been given over to too much thought about my health and my body.  I do have an exuberance for life in general and I have exhibited that on quite the occasion.  I think you have heard of some of my escapades here as I am well aware that my dear sister, Lady McKenzie is so often given over to talking very fast and  in such a high pitch about literally everything, including my devotion to ingesting food among other things {See Buffet, Antics, Chew Toys, Russian Roulette, One Step Forward and Chamber Pot}.   I am also aware of the Duchess (whom we love and admire) flapping her wee jowls and droning on ad-nauseum about my choices in life.  Yes.  I do indeed love to romp and jump on other dogs, especially the wee ones.  They yip and yap in those high pitches and snarl and growl while everyone praises them and calls them just the cutest wee thing.....well I don't think they're cute.  I think they get away with many various crimes against Caninity.  (If humans can say humanity why can I not say caninity?)  So I quite think it a fun job to jump at them and put them in their place.  It is quite funny to see them get so scared from just a silly jump.  Although, I  have slowed in the love of this game;  it's just too dog gone easy to scare them and I believe it stresses out me family.

My dear fellows, the wee point I am trying to make is that I do love living my life.  I want to experience everything.  In fact, right now, I think I would love to sit in my chair with good company {Oh, that lovely Doberman, Brie, from my class, would be my choice at this moment}, a small glass of Sherry and a nice smelly cigar.  It is a Pub you know.  You canna ban a good cigar from a Pub!  But my station in life requires that I attend to the running of the household instead of the enjoyment of it.  I, after all, am only a Chamberlain.  I am allowed time off from my duties on certain occasions and quite regularly take up a very stressful and disciplined sport called Agility.  In this sport one learns not to flail his body in just any direction, but to focus the energy and power into a structured series of jumps, weaves, climbs and balance beams.  It is a game that requires one's brain as well as one's body.  Yes, indeed.  I am quite good at it, I do say me-self. 

About a month ago, I neglected to do my precursor warming up exercises.  As I said previously, I've never been taken with worrying over my health, seems such a bore, that!  Well, what I did, was hurt me leg.  I jumped and twisted at the same time and the Royal Agility Coach said she thought I may have 'tweaked' me ACL, what-ever-the-hell that is.  All I know is that me leg hurt.  Right on me knee!  Ever since then, I've been careful with me body parts.  I have to rest that leg a lot.  The Royal Doctor took X-Rays and developed a wait and see attitude.  This past Monday in my class the Royal Coach thought it might be wise to see a Sports Doctor.  So I found a lady who specializes in Sports Therapies and Sports Related Injuries.  I went to see Dr. Heather Owen yesterday morning and the next thing you know, there I was this morning in a Hydro-Therapy Bath walking on an underwater Treadmill!  I've never experienced water like that before.  Yes, I have flailed me body into streams in the mountains to drink, play and generally cool off, but I've never stood in anything quite this deep.  And then I had to walk too!  I was a bit scared at first, but I am a very smart Boxer and soon got the hang of this new game.  I think I should quite like to go back again next week.  Someone have me Secretary sche' dule an appointment, will you?